Long time no write.
But I mostly only write when I feel I have something to say. If I´m 100% honest I SHOULD have written a lot in the last year because there is a lot to tell. Two Travel Summer Universities with AEGEE, the best way to travel cheap, have fun and make friends, and the rest alone, making friends or visiting old mates on the way. And that was just the beginning of this summer.
Before that I worked for over 8 months to remake my savings, re-organize my life and organize my material “things”, what did I need, what was superfluous. It was an adventure! I look back now on the hard work to save up the money and all thoughts that were going through my mind, and I could´ve written a book.
But now I´m in one of those Australia moments. If you don´t know what an “Australia moment” is, here goes the bullet summary. I arrived to Australia skinned, no money. I lived on the streets searching for a job until an old man saved my sorry ass and let me sleep in his cockroach ridden jeep (he also gave me a huge coffee and peanut butter sandwich every morning!).
Those days were tense. I lived on the bare minimum and felt immensely happy for every unexpected helpful piece of information or bit of food that I was given, every new friend or contact that I made. But the possibility of my near Default was always hanging over my head, the axe that was always about to fall, if only one thing went wrong.
But I got through.
And now, again, I´m in a stressful race against my bank account. I must find a job in Prague, Berlin or Vienna, and quick! The only things I can do is send CV´s, talk with people and KEEP MY EXPENSES LOW!
It´s an exciting and scary moment at the same time. You have to check every dime (Cz Crowns in this case) and try to be imaginative and resourceful to not spend more than you need. Find alternatives and keep your hopes up.
It is a great moment to “clean” my body after so much traveling with young AEGEE people. Drinking, eating, no real exercise and…well…you know… I needed some time to just drink water (no vodka), eat healthy and calm down on the parties. And here I am, drinking only water, eating healthy (vegetarian experiment volume 2), doing exercise and, for the moment, not participating in Prague´s awesome night life.
The best thing is the feeling of freedom and opportunities. The worst, the stress about the dwindling savings and nervousness of thinking: “what if I run my money down to 0 and still have nothing?!”
Ups and downs. And in each of these days I´ve gone from “this is Epic, what an adventure” to “what the F*CK am I up to? Who do I think I´m tricking. This is not going to work..” And back up again and back down again.
I decide my days as they go. I have in my mind the possessions that I own. My backpack and all that is in it. There is nothing more than that and some numbers on a bank account. It´s tricky but it´s a feeling that I think most people won´t have in their lifetime. We are taught to have everything fixed and assured, planned and saved. The world hardly seems ready for this kind of life.
But it sure makes people doubt. Me, the first. I´m not bolder or braver than most. Like I usually tell friends. In order to do this you have to either be super brave (which I think I´m not specially), a raging idealist or a bit loose in the head, if you know what I mean…
Am I the only person who has these kind of doubts when traveling alone? I sure hope not! This is so scary, but I remember the feeling when I finally landed a job and thought back upon all these doubts and fears.
p.s. long story short. 560e and counting down….